One Flippin' Sweet World
by PoodleWoodle1992
Summary: Napoleon magically and unexpectedly travels to Birdwell Island. But will he get used to the people, the dogs, and their environment? His heart also finds the most unexpected character.


(I hereby do not, in any way, shape or form, own anything. All trademarks, characters, names, brands, franchises, products, logos, and locations are registered trademarks and the sole property of their respective owners. I understand that any form of copyright infringement is strictly prohibited.)

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Chapter 1: Not In Preston Anymore

Napoleon Dynamite was just sitting on the couch at his Preston, Idaho home watching _Teletubbies_ for some reason. Suddenly, Kip and Uncle Rico walked into the living room and spotted him.  
>"You're way too old to be watching this baby show," Kip jeered as he turned off the TV with the remote.<br>"Then why was the freakin' TV on PBS? Cause I was waitin' for my favorite show that made episodes for two and a half years!" Napoleon said. "Gosh!"  
>"Napoleon, go outside and spray the wasps in a few minutes," Uncle Rico told him.<br>"What?"  
>"Didn't ya just understand me? These mosquitoes and wasps keep infesting our yard every darn time."<br>"I don't want to, you filthy wooden puppet! I'm scared of those yellow jackets! They sting every guy in sight. By the way, it's like 105 degrees outside!"  
>"Grandma will be home in an hour, and you'll be in deep, deep trouble," Uncle Rico said with a snicker.<br>Napoleon groaned, walked into his room, closed the door, and locked it. He sat on his bed and played Halo Reach on his Xbox 360 Elite and only made two kills. Napoleon's guy walked through many rooms and corridors and picked up weapons. After that, he spotted a Warthog, hopped on, and drove to the other side. He had found his opponents, but he was killed multiple times. He even died for no reason with no enemies in sight.  
>"Ha ha. Underkill," his online opponent said.<br>"Shut up!" Napoleon yelled through the headset. He stood up, accidentally smacked himself in the face as he tried to remove his headset, and shut the Xbox off.

The phone started ringing. Napoleon hurried into the living room and answered it.  
>"Yes?"<br>"Hey Napoleon. It's Grandma."  
>"Where you at?"<br>"It's 'Where are you', Napoleon," Uncle Rico corrected.  
>"The shooting range," Grandma said. "I'm gettin' much better at my firearm skills."<br>"So if Lyle can't come on some days, you'll take care of the steak?"  
>"That's right. The first thing you'll hear in the morning will be me yelling, 'Talk to my 12-gauge, you lethargic grass-eaters!' And then BOOM! A cracklin' gunshot. That steak would be ready by that afternoon."<br>"I hope you're always aiming at the right target," Napoleon said.  
>"If you go out and spray the mosquitoes and wasps, I'll fix you your favorite dinner. I'll be home in half an hour. Don't forget to feed Tina."<br>"Okay. See ya. Bye." Napoleon hung up the phone, grabbed the bug spray, and headed for the door.  
>"Don't waste too much of that stuff," Uncle Rico called as Napoleon walked outside, sighing.<p>

Napoleon had never been in such hot weather. It took him twenty minutes to find and spray every mosquito. After getting a stepladder and failing seven attempts to climb up to the wasp nests under the edges of the roof, he sprayed three times at each nest. On his way to the gate to feed Tina, a swarm of wasps started attacking him. Napoleon swung wildly and danced around, trying to get them to go away. He even jumped in the middle of the road, only to be interrupted by Uncle Rico, who wasn't feeling very good. He grabbed Napoleon by the scruff of the neck and steered him onto the grass. "What the heck are ya doing, man?"  
>"Trying to get the wasps away like you told me to." Napoleon was covered in mud. "Gross!" he croaked. He finally went over to Tina for the second time and tried to feed her some ham and apples.<br>"Tina, you slowpoke, come get some ham and freakin' Fuji apples!" he said.  
>Tina still refused, so he shouted, "<em>Eat the food!<em>" and threw the whole tray of ham and apples over the fence. Napoleon was hot, sweaty, badly sunburned, dehydrated, breathing heavily, and covered in red marks from the wasp stings. As soon as he went inside the house, he had to take a hot bath to wash the mud off (His sunburns stung, so he was groaning in pain.), sponge himself with Eau de Cologne, put freezing Solarcaine aloe gel on himself (which made his teeth chatter), treat the wasp stings (only he did it with cream of tartar), and drink four large bottles of water.

When Grandma came home, she observed every nest that Napoleon sprayed. "I'll always be proud of my boy," she chortled.  
>The Dynamites sat down to a dinner of mirin salmon and rice with soy sauce. "How's school going for you?" Uncle Rico asked.<br>"The worst days of my life. Ever," Napoleon said with a scowl.  
>"Why do you feel so blue over there?" Grandma asked.<br>"Deb still hasn't been back after three weeks in Italy, Randy choke-held me twice yesterday, and I missed the bus that morning."  
>After dinner, Napoleon had to rush to the bathroom because he had gotten serious diarrhea. And the toilet wouldn't flush, so he kicked it, slammed the lid, and washed his hands. The faucet also burped up some burnt-orange liquid rust.<p>

At 1:30 in the morning, Napoleon awakened in his room to the sound of the winds of change outside his door. He opened it, but there was no hallway. Instead, there was a path that looked like it lead to nowhere. Napoleon quickly got dressed in his trademark "Vote For Pedro" shirt, moon boots, and jeans. He then put on his glasses, took his valuables, walked out the door, and closed it. What he saw ahead was a man dressed in a button-down shirt and corduroy pants.  
>"Napoleon, I'm Brian Regan, #1 comedian," he said. "Pleased to see you here. By the way, are you a big Super Nintendo fan? 'Cause it looks like you're a nerd from the 80's."<br>"I'm actually from the present world, and I worship video games," Napoleon replied.  
>"What you'll see at the end of this will be much better than your life," Brian told him. "Trust me."<br>They walked down a few labyrinths and came up to a Picasso-esque portrait of a woman. "Password?" she asked dryly.  
>"BUTTON IT UP, YOU ARROGANT SOW!" Brian yelled in his comical voice.<br>The portrait turned out to be a door, just like in the Harry Potter books and movies. It opened, and they walked in. But there was complete darkness after it shut, then every pair of lights on either side of the floor turned on, one by one. Was this a trap?  
>First, they walked down the floor-lit path to the beginning of a big point-to-point obstacle course. They climbed a ladder in a tunnel, walked through many maze-like rooms, and went through some long air ducts. Napoleon's knees were getting tired. When they reached the end of the air ducts, he realized that Part Two was like a state fair funhouse, except it was indoors, and there was no outside in this atmosphere because the "walls, ceiling, and floor" were grids. If people fell through the grid "floor", they would respawn to their original location. At the beginning, there was a rotating pole with a circular platform. It was followed by a floor moving back and forth. Napoleon almost lost his balance, but he made it. There were more parts to it, including a platform that swayed from side to side; a set of steps that moved up and down; a set of pipes that made Napoleon slide and almost lose his balance again; a set of floor-mounted punching bags that hit him in the head; a huge mirror maze that made Napoleon bump into the glass; a <em>Portal<em>-style test chamber; a rotating wheel; a few staircases; and a five-mile luge tunnel, which was Napoleon's favorite part.

The duo stopped at a room with furniture to relax and have a drink for a while. Then they had snow cones. Napoleon had sour green apple while Brian had a cherry-grape combination.  
>"I'm gonna get grape," he had said. "Oh, and cherry. It's more favorite. I'll have those two. They're both good!"<p>

After that, Napoleon and Brian walked past a sign saying _This Way _and into an elevator. This elevator went upwards, downwards, sideways, slantways, and in other motions as well. Napoleon was startled by sudden shaking movements and the final motion, which was a sudden deep drop. Brian was guffawing during the whole ride. After the elevator signal sounded, the elevator door opened. Napoleon and Brian stepped out to find that the floor was actually a conveyor belt that took them past videos such as _Supernanny_ clips, "Greatest Freak Out Ever," "Don't Turn Off the Monitor," "B+ in English," _Family Guy_ clips, pogo stick fails, and more. At the end was another long set of air ducts and an even longer luge tunnel than the one in the funhouse. It stretched for eight miles. The final part was a set of hallways with doors. Napoleon and Brian came to the last door.  
>"Paradise, here we come," Brian said as he opened the door.<br>They were immediately sucked into a Fraser spiral illusion.  
>"GRAB MY HAND! GRAB MY HAAAAAAAND!" Brian yelled as they went down.<br>Napoleon grabbed Brian's hand, and together they spun, until they hit something that felt like grass.  
>"We're not in Preston anymore," Brian said. Napoleon opened his eyes to see a sunnier sky and hear seagulls calling. "Napoleon," Brian added, "this is the one and only Birdwell Island."<p>

**To be continued...**


End file.
